To whatever smart people who GOD gave the knowledge to create the Internet I give you my thanks.
The Internet is a great tool. I mean I am unable to write in a paper Diary and even if I was to write on my computer that is not safe. The Internet however is a great diary. The genius people who networked this whole world wide web I am forever in your debt :-)



I feel so much better today since I was able to unload the giant burden that was resting on not only my shoulders but my heart. However I still feel terrible, I'm still a bit upset and still a little hurt but I will get better. When you feel like you've hit rock bottom always remember that once your at the bottom you can only move up! So I'm just waiting to move on to a new level of happiness that I know must be coming.



I'm enjoying my life (drama excluded) and loving the fact that I have so many choices. I don't want to be one of those girls who sits by the phone and waits for a dude to call. Building up her emotions and eventually dropping when he doesn't call, but I think I already am. I think that I've allowed my heart to get to involved and I have been single for so long that Its not just the fact that I seriously like this dude that makes me want this to work but also the fact that I feel lonely. I mean I know I have some of the worlds best friends and there are just so many people in my life who are there for me but its sooooooo not the same. I mean I someone other than my parents and my silly billy friends to miss me and worry about me. But I'm learning that I'm gonna be OK, that I have to stand strong in myself and in who I am. I was listening to the radio on my way home today and I heard this song that said, "My, myself and I are the only ones I trust that I rely on me myself and I only." Well I decided that me, myself and God are gonna look out for me. I love my friends and I trust them however maybe if I do simply rely on me, myself and God I will end up feeling better after certain situations than I do now.



I want to move on to a better more light subject that is not so stressful. As I am writing this I am looking at the most beautiful bouquet of yellow roses and yellow lily's. I love lily's. Whenever I get married I want lily's in my hair and in my bouquet. I also want them in my house. As much as I have hate when flowers die and you have to throw them away I love having fresh flowers in my home. I've found myself writing poetry as of late. I decided that I needed to express myself and the oddest things seem to spark my ability to write. I also think I'm going to start painting. I'm able to sketch well but I've never actually painted anything, However I am gonna start. I'm going to a craft store as soon as I get my car back.

I've found that doing crafts relaxes me. Embroidery, sewing, knitting, scrapbooking, it all makes me feel really good. So I've decided to always stay busy. My class schedule for this semester is not so hectic cause I only have 3 classes however there are giant gaps in between my classes. Thus I have decided to leave my embroidery bag in the back of the car so that I always have something to do. And I'm saving all of what I do so that when I get married I have a whole hope chest filled with stuff. I've got embroidered baby onesies and hats and booties and pillowcases and I even beaded some baby blankets but I ha vent put them together cause It will be easier to transport them home if they are not padded and everything.

Well I will write soon with an update of my life. For now however I am fine.

(You know I once read a description about what the word fine actually stands for and I will never forget it cause it is really true in my life every time I say it. The saying went like this: "Fine stands for: Feelings Inside Not Expressed")

Love