OK so let me start from the top and vent my anger at all that has been going on in my life! I mean this is the entire reason I started the blog in the first place! I wanted a diary, an outlet for my pain. I can't write what I feel on paper cause the dear mother that I live with has a very bad tendency to read my diary so thus I write on the Internet! My mom and technology are not the greatest of friends!


So: I took 20 kids camping as part of Sunday School for 3 days!!!! That is where I should start but wait there is something else! You guys remember Cathy, Well she was like my best friend in the whole world. Well About a month ago we are at a CC meeting at I was really fed up with her cause she doesn't know how to be an adult! So on the drive home I told her she needs to make up her mind and decide if she is coming to camp or not... cause we are trying to plan and she keeps not making up her mind! (Oh wait let me quickly tell you that about 2 weeks before this we were not talking at all cause she made a very idiotic comment to me that shocked/angered me (due to its hypocritical essence) and hurt me cause I thought she was my friend! Well we sorted that out and she apologise cause she didn't realize what it was she had said! Again I pointed out to her that she is not acting like a grown up!! Boy time really does tell the truth in people) OK but back to the story. So after I told her to make up her mind she so flippantly told me that it was between her and the children's director not me!! OK really feel like kicking her out my car now!!! But anyway it was done I said nothing! Well then we really didn't talk much and then her family came and we didn't talk at all. I haven't spoken to her except simple greeting stuff....... NOW comes back to camp:

The day of camp her mom and her were at my parents office sewing her costume for opening night of camp cause there was no power at her house and my mom calls me into the office kitchen where Cathy, her mom and the bitch from hell( the worship leader of the church mind u) are sitting and my mom asks me who I told about something. Now not wanting to get anyone in trouble I tell her one person. I did tell this person but I also told another person whose name I didn't mention. So Cathy in Bitch mode says: Well ---- Called me and is very upset that Emily says that this thing is not happening. BITCH BITCH BITCH!! My mom tells me not to tell what is said in our house, apologises and that is it! I was so PISSED OFF! I was seeing red! But anyway we take the kids to camp and we don't speak one word to each other! I'm too busy making up the slack of some of the other teachers to worry about her load of crap! The kids were excited and there was so much work to do that I just ignored the fact that not only was she not talking to me but another teacher who I happen to like (in a romantic way)(a male teacher) is also not talking to me but is instead spending time in secret and in the dark with her. I ignore this, I may be crying buckets inside and want to just fall on a bed and have a good cry but I can't, 20 kids are depending on me to be Fun, Happy, Excited, Playful, Strong, Unhurt able Aunt Emily!!! OK so I bottle up my hurt and anger and get through camp! Which has a whole romantic tale that will one day soon be told!

Well Camp doesn't end with the end of camp..... The kids say Cathy and that certain male teacher in several compromising situations and even kissing! Well I have no reason to believe that my kids are lying! Why would they make that up? Knowing the two the way I do it is prob not true but you never know! I'm actually not hurt at this at all! I feel nothing about this which is very surprising for me but anyway... Well The kids tell me this and other kids tell other teachers this until all the teachers know what the kids have been saying except the two involved in the inappropriate behavior. Well I ask the male teacher about it and he says NO but whatever. I'm not talking to Cathy so that's the end of that but then she tried to get me into trouble again with crap at a teachers meeting we had! Seriously her true colors are starting to show and I don't like them! I'm very happy that I'm leaving in 6 months for Spain! Viva La Spain!

I went to youth meeting last night and wanted to cry it was so dull! I mean I'm not going to go anymore! I sent my mom an SMS about it during youth! I no longer have to go so I am no longer going! I just cant take this crap! But anyway! I'm thankful that while one friend has gone bonkers God has blessed me with another friend who is just amazing! She is helping me thru this stuff that I'm going thru with this dude and I honestly don't know what I would do without her! Jen if you read this you are a STAR!!! Now as for people at church I've decide that I'm not going to let anything they do harm me! My heart is being placed in a steel cage and will not be opened again to undeserving people! I've always known that I trust too easily, I'm one of those people who always wants to see the good in others and is searching for the fairytale ending not only in my own life but in the lives of those around me. From now on I suppose it is gonna have to be me and God against the world! I will no longer place my trust in people who have the ability to walk all over it!

Well I feel better! I've been needing to get all of this drama off my chest and the only person I can tell is Jen and even then I'm not so good at expressing my feelings. I try to help everyone else yet I don't want people to see how vulnerable I actually am, and I'm oh so publicly admitting it! I AM VULNERABLE!!! But I am working on trying not to be! Lets hope that I'm successful!

Love to the World