HELP ME!!!!
I am in an emotional mess. I'm up at one in the morning cause I can't sleep. It's like I can't shut my brain off. So let me start at what happened today to make me stay up all night. Today Cathy's sister who happens to be my really great friend talked to me about this situation between me and her sister.
(Let me quickly tell that I have probably handled this situation all wrong but I thought it was good at the time. I don't actually know why Cathy is not speaking to me but I know the reason I'm not speaking to her is cause she tried to get me in trouble with my mom and then the CC directors. OK so I wasn't to impressed with her after the thing at the CC meeting but I still thought we were fine. Then her family came to visit so out of what I thought was respect I didn't call or anything. I mean I know that when your family is around and you are busy out of your mind the last thing your gonna do is go out with friends. So I didn't call. Well Then her family left like the day before CC camp and I mean that was it. She was acting really weird so I chose not to say anything until the whole my mom thing in the kitchen of the office. Then I was mad at her and we continued not to speak. I decided to ignore all and not say a word to her or anyone else about it. Then you know the whole thing at camp where we didn't speak, (did I tell everyone that she was on the phone crying for a while at camp one day, I don't know) Now 2 weeks after camp we still aren't talking. Every time we are around each other I don't say a word to her and when she comes to hug me I don't hug back. That is the end of it I mean I say bye to her and all but not like I used to. And let it be noted that for the past like year I felt that I was the one begging to be included into a friendship. I mean I was constantly calling her house and wanted to include her in every aspect of my life. Our phone bill showed just how much I was actually calling her house. I mean I felt that I was constantly hounding her and so I decided that I didn't need to be calling there all the time and I needed to take a break from hounding her. I mean she also has a phone. If she wanted to call me she could.)
( You know about 2 moths ago Cathy did say that she felt like she was not a part of my life to which I told her was crazy cause she knows all aspects of my life. I didn't pay any attention to it cause I tell her everything and there was very little that she didn't know. I mean I had long since decided not to tell my deepest emotions even to Cathy cause my emotions were everywhere and I didn't want anyone to think I was nutzo. Thus I started write thing s on my blog. )
About a month or so ago ( think a bit longer) Melissa told me that she needed to talk to me. So I asked her about what and she told me she couldn't talk to me in the office so we would have to do it later. I of course didn't think that it was a big deal and so I was like OK and didn't bring it up again for a while then I asked her like two or three more times what it was she needed to talk to me about and she always said that it wasn't the time to talk about it. SO of course with all the other things I have going on I simply forgot to ask again until today. Well I was sitting on the floor next to her desk talking to her and I remembered so I asked her and she said that it was to much of an emotional thing to talk about in the office. Then she started crying. So I said whats wrong and she said that we really weren't such good friends if i don't know what it is that she wants to talk about. And she said that of course it was serious and if I didn't even think to ask her again about it after she first told me.... ( i can't remember the exact words but it had something to do with how I should have realized that it was important and should have brought it up. I apologised and said I didn't know it was so serious and was this about Cathy. She said no it was not just about Cathy. It was about what I was doing to her whole family. Apparently the fact that Cathy and I aren't talking has affected everyone in their home. I did not know this. I mean my family doesn't work the same way theirs does. 
Apparently Cathy has been bitterly crying this entire time. For like the whole time we have been friends she would not hang out with her family and not hang out with her other friends just to hang out with me so now she has no one. So of course I told Melissa that I never asked or told Cathy to do that. I mean I was the one who kept encouraging Cathy to get out of her house and do stuff and meet people. I told her she needed some friends her own age and to stop hanging out with no one but her parents, grandparents and their friends. So now she is isolated! I feel bad but I mean I didn't try to Isolate her. I have a slew of other friends to which I have tried to introduce her to and to which I hang out with without her and this is nothing new. Then Mel tells me that I should have known as Cathy's friend how upset she was at the fact that I was going out with three of the other members of youth every Friday night and she was not invited. To which i oh so angrily informed Mel that we all invited Cathy on numerous occasions. I mean on night we were standing in the parking lot deciding where to go and Cathy was coming with us and instead she decided to go get in the car with her parents who drove by. We invited her several times after that but she never could come. So I stopped asking and apparently so did everyon else. Well Melissa oh so nicely informed me that that deeply hurt Cathy that we didn't invite her and she felt like she had to beg to be involved in the friendship that we were creating. I didn't know that she felt like this.
OK so it continues. About what two months ago when one of the 3 people that I was hanging out with on Friday nights was having a birthday we (the 4 of us Friday nighters) were trying to decide what to do and I asked Cathy. I called her like 3 times in one day discussing what it was that we should do for his birthday. I mean I just assumed that she was gonna come with us. Then on the Saturday of his birthday I called her and asked her if she was coming and she said that she had a funeral she thought she was going to go to and didn't know. I said OK and then called her like 45 minutes before I was leaving to go hang out with the other people and she said that she wasn't coming. I dismissed this and just was like OK whatever. I mean I cant force someone to hang out with us. Mel has now informed me of Cathy's side. Apparently her dad heard me tell her on Friday night that the four of us were going to discuss what we were doing and I would inform her of what we decided. This very well probably did happen. I mean I don't remember but I prob said that. Cathy apparently felt really left out and depressed about that. I don't see anything wrong with what happened so I don't know.
I actually stopped inviting Cathy to alot of things. Every time my friends from class and I would go out I would invite her. She never ever ever came except once. One of my friends who is usually sitting right next to me when I invite Cathy to things finally told me "Why do u keep inviting her she never comes" and I realized that she was right. Thus I stoped inviting her. I didn't know that it was hurting her that I wasn't inviting her to things.
Mel also informed me that it has been hurting Cathy deeply that I have been making friends with the foursome and not including her. And that she feels that we (the Friday foursome) are laughing at her all the time. I don't know where she gets that notion from. I have never laughed at her with them. I mean when I laugh at her its usually with her.
Apparently I have hurt everyone in their family by this situation and maybe these are my true colors. I don't know what to say. I haven't treated her parents or her sister in any way shape or form different than I ever have before. But apparently I have, I didn't know that though. I feel very bad that they would think that way. And the fact that I seem to just be moving on with my life like this has not affected me in the least is rude and hurtful. I on the other hand have been seriously affected by this but I just don't show emotions. I keep smiling and keep up the appearance of normality cause what good is it gonna do anyone for me to mope around and invite people to ask me questions and then dump all this on someone else. Also apparently due to the fact that at church now ---- (one of the Friday foursome) and I are always together is hurting her. I can see how me not acting like something is wrong and me just keeping going and talking to other people while not talking to her made her feel that I was just moving on and cutting her out of my life. That is understandable but I don't show emotion easily and as my long time friend she knows this.
Now remember that the entire time we are talking Melissa is crying, I on the other hand have become a master of keeping my emotions inside and so not a tear shed from my eyes. I felt bad about this but I dont cry easily. However this conversation was crushing me inside. I dont want to hurt mel or anyone. AHAHAHAH!!!!!
This is the shortened version of the story. I left out some of the things Mel told me cause in the end they were more examples of home I have let everyone down and how I have hurt their family. OK so this entire story left me feeling confused. I mean I am sad that I hurt Cathy I had no idea that making friends with others was hurting her. What I understood from this was that Cathy feels that i should have no other friends. Its like she wants to isolate me to only be friends with her. Two of my close friends who also go to church with us told me about a year ago that Cathy has a big problem with friendship and that she treats people who get close to me meanly cause she doesn't like the fact that other people are friends with me. I don't know how to react to this. I apparently have a very big problem handling problems. I tend to simply try and deal with the problem internally and not speak to the person who has created the problem until I have dealt with it so that I don't do anything to hurt the other person. I need to learn a new way to deal with my issues. I'm still very confused and Mel told me to please not tell Cathy that we talked cause she doesn't want me to know that this whole thing has upset her. Well Hello how am I supposed to talk to her and not mention this stuff? But if I mention this stuff then she will know that I talked to Mel. What am I supposed to do now? I'm confused, upset and unable to talk to anyone about it. 
